When Love Becomes Fatal

We don’t get a lot of news out of Iraq these days. People seem to be accepting that we are in two wars for the long haul. I used to say we had better get ready to fight for the next two centuries. Now the Iraq War seems to be moving in the direction of the war in Afghanistan, what some call a “forgotten war.” Current American culture is not conducive to the lessons of history. We glorify the portions we like and ignore the more unsavory parts. So we are forgetting about Iraq unless it comes too close to home and a family member or friend perishes or is wounded over there. I have a long memory though, and I avidly look for the lessons of history. History IS important.

On Sunday I found an article about a recent honoring killing in southern Iraq in the city of Basra. I wasn’t looking for anything of that nature. I have written about honor killings before on my old Romance blog. I don’t like to dwell a lot on dismal issues in current events here. In my own little corner of the blogosphere, I want to present the positive. Also I try to post as much variety in topics as possible.

From the few random reports I hear mostly on the radio, Basra, which was one of the few quiet places in Iraq when much of the middle of the country was going through a phase of pure carnage, has been up in arms in the last several weeks. British forces had been in the area until last year, left, and are back mainly on the outskirts of the city. Basra seems to be going through a wave of honor killings too besides the battles between Iraqi government forces and Shia militia men. Today I found on the StumbleUpon website Her Crime Was to Fall In Love. She Paid With Her Life. This is a must read and a difficult one. It nearly moved me to tears about a young Iraqi woman named Rand who was murdered last month by her father for her Romantic and platonic love for a British soldier who was stationed in Basra.

I first become aware of honor killings a number of years ago, long before the Wars (sic) on Terror, before most Americans were aware of such Middle Eastern customs. The average American still does not know or has ever heard of honor killings. If we were familiar with the crime, I am sure Angelina or Madonna would have taken up a banner to combat it by now.

I learned about such crimes from a song by the late, great Israeli singer of Yemeni Jewish heritage, Ofra Haza. Haza’s song Daw Da Hiya is a ballad about honor killings in ancient times. The music video for the song can be seen above. In a tragic twist of fate, Haza died in 2000 apparently from AIDS contracted from her husband who himself committed suicide the next year.

The subject of honor killings also was revealed to me in Laurie Devine’s 1983 book Nile. Nile is a remarkable novel. It tells the story of a young Egyptian girl named Mona from a village in Upper Egypt who falls in love with Youssef the son of wealthy Jews in Alexandria before the Jewish exodus after the 1948 Arab-Israeli War. The theme of honor killings hangs like a specter in the background of this remarkable story.

In The Bible, Jesus himself thwarted an honor killing with calmness and wisdom. Here is the story of the woman caught in adultery.

Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?” This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” (New King James Version, John 8:1-11).

Despite Jesus’ actions a millennium ago, women did not have it so good even in the Christian west until the fight for women’s rights effectively began with the suffragette in the early part of the last century. Politics and tradition overrode his words of wisdom, truth, and simplicity.

I wonder what Saddam Hussein, of all people, would have to say about the situation if he were still alive. The media was so busy demonizing him down to a worthless crumb that a gray area about the man was never exposed. I am currently reading Saddam Hussein: A Biography by Shiva Balaghi. In the early years of his power as vice president, Saddam often talked his party's, the Ba'athists, determination to liberate the women of Iraq. He once said this,

“The complete emancipation of women from ties which held them back in the past during the ages of despotism and ignorance, is a basic aim of the Party and of the Revolution. Women make up one half of society. Our society will remain backward and in chains unless its women are liberated, enlightened and educated.”

He said this in an interview with Al-Mar’a magazine in 1978:

The most important thing about marriage is that the man must not let the woman feel downtrodden simply because she is a woman and he is a man.

Strange that these words would come from a murderous, authoritarian leader.

Human Rights Watch posted a report in 2003 on the situation of Iraqi women prior to the fall of Saddam. It can be read here. Yesterday was Saddam Hussein’s birthday. Guess which sex showed up mostly at his tomb? Females.

Birthday celebration at Saddam Hussein's tomb yesterday in Al Awja, Iraq

Photo from Al Jazeera

In February I wrote in my old blog The Quest for Romance Ends in Murder about another honor killing which happened in northern Iraq last year.

The lament of women and girls who face such oppression in various societies is that THEIR men are the worst. My Russian friend once took a more generalized approach in a comment she made to me when she said “They’re bad everywhere.”

There are good and bad men everywhere. I do not go around like some women I hear who say, “All men are dogs.” I do think some from certain cultures are badgered more by tradition to treat women and children badly. Some point the finger at men in Islamic cultures, but even here in the US there is plenty of abuse of women throughout all socio-economic levels and ethnic groups. I think the worst abuses are from men who are less educated and under economic stress as is in seen in the African-American and Hispanic communities. The problem of abuse of women and children is said to be really bad too on the reservations for Native Americans. This problem of the abuse and vulnerability of women and children is an issue globally, however. See reports on Women Watch here.

Both of my grandfathers were illiterate. My paternal grandfather drank and was verbally and emotionally abusive to my grandmother and their children. My maternal grandfather drank in the early years of his marriage, but was never abusive. He would come home and collapse on the floor after a drinking bout. One day grandma gave him an ultimatum. Either the drinking and collapsing would halt, or she was going to take my mom and her elder brother, who were little at the time, and hit the road. Grandma had been orphaned as a girl, so she was prepared for more hardship if need be. A grandfather promptly stopped the drinking for the rest of his life. Decades later he would quit smoking and chewing tobacco cold turkey the same way. The man had will power and a dignity and grace I have not seen in a lot of educated men.

Many women and girls hang around with bad guys out of a need for security and also because of their own insecurities about being alone. This happens particularly in our culture. In some non-western cultures women do not have a choice who they are with.

In the African-American community we women have a saying, “I can do bad by myself.”